Have you found your friends?

Thursday July 18, 2024

As I write, the OCCA team are recovering from the events of last week. No, not the football (ouch!) but the Summer School and Confident Faith Conference.

It was a great time of teaching, with intriguing lectures and challenging seminars. But I was most struck by the buzz and excitement of friendship.

For many, an interest in apologetics makes you the odd one out – the theology geek who wants to discuss big questions. There’s something marvellous about finding your crowd – gathering with like-minded people who share your passion. But that isn’t everyone’s experience.

Loneliness abounds in our society

Last year Forbes published a survey revealing that 73% of Gen-Z (born 1997-2012) report feeling alone sometimes or always. This is a generation shaped by technology, who have not known a time without the internet. With instant communication achievable across vast distances, the internet has left us paradoxically both hyperconnected and isolated.

Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, argued in a recent Guardian article that technology is contributing to our loneliness but the good news is it’s not irreversible.

In a week when Eton College announces a mobile phone ban and parents write to their schools demanding the same policy, we might be beginning to see the pushback against the unhindered dominance of technology in our lives. The Spectator reports that a ban in one school “has had an impressive impact: since introducing the scheme in January, the school has seen a 40% drop in detentions and a 25% reduction in truancy.”

Of course, it is not only this hyperconnected generation that feels lonely. Research has been done looking at loneliness across people’s lifespans, and suggests that people can become lonelier as they age out of mid-life. Risk factors for loneliness also include social isolation, education level and physical disability.

📖 Read The Guardian article, Smartphones have created a gen Z mental health crisis

📘 Check out The Spectator article, There’s a reason Eton is cracking down on smartphones

📚Read The Independent article, Loneliness increases as we age, study suggests

The power of relationships

“The antidote to loneliness is friendship. We were made for it. And it is worth celebrating.” – Phil Knox, Evangelical Alliance [EA]

The EA recently released a timely resource for churches all about friendship called The Best of Friends. This free video series digs into friendship from a biblical perspective, unpacking how friendship is paramount for discipleship, unity and evangelism.

Relationships really do have power. In a TED talk by Johann Hari, he explains that destructive habits have the most power when we are unhappy and lonely. He says it’s almost impossible to beat addiction alone, and that the power of relationships can make all the difference. It’s a really eye-opening watch!

👥 Check out The Evangelical Alliance’s course, The Best of Friends

▶️ Watch The Ted Talk, Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong

Making friends when we disagree

Sometimes our political, ideological and theological discussions can drive us apart. We can live in virtual echo chambers where social media algorithms give us more and more content from people we agree with, whilst hiding anything that might make us consider an alternative position.

In a conversation released last month, Darrell Bock and John Lennox discuss some of the public debates they’ve taken part in. John Lennox says “I like to try to get to know the people I’m conversing with.”

Maybe we could be friends with those with whom we disagree! How might that change our conversations about faith?

🎥 Watch the video Can you debate about faith and be friends?

I hope these resources help you as you engage with a lonely world, and that they are some encouragement to you if you are struggling with loneliness yourself.

Thank you for reading,

Charlie Styles, OCCA CEO